Prepare your move abroad for success.
When we prepare to move abroad, it is common to focus on all the things that must be done, all the logistics behind a big international move. We tend to put all our attention on what to take with us, get the paperwork done, think about furniture, moving, appliances, schooling, new housing, what to do with our house back home.
The list of practical things to get done sometimes seems endless and it’s very easy to get caught in the trap of letting these issues distract us from our emotions. However, the decision to move internationally and to create a fulfilling life abroad requires a certain degree of disposition to be able to detach.
Distances, both physical and emotional, will be greater once you relocate, and it is better to face head-on the fact that there are many things that we will have to move on from. The process of saying goodbye can be painful but it must be dealt with before the actual move and in a conscious manner. Avoiding goodbyes may avoid hardship and discomfort in the present but it will likely come back when you least expect it and magnify some challenges of cultural adjustment.
This emotional preparation is less obvious, but sometimes even more important than the practical tasks. You see, the practical tasks will get done, one way or the other. It may take more time, more money and, for sure a lot of patience. But the emotional preparation, when ignored or denied, will probably come back when you least expect it.
In this article you’ll find three tips to create a meaningful farewell and to have closure. These tips will help you prepare to detach when preparing for a cultural change, opening up space for new and exciting experiences.
Make a list of your favourite places & say goodbye.
I don’t know about you, but I have my favourite restaurants and coffee shops. Some places I love for the food and other places I have emotional memories because it’s where I celebrated birthdays or had happy hours with friends. Create a list of all the places you like to go to. Write down why these places matter – was it where you met your spouse? Was that bar the first place you tried a gin tonic?
Is your gym a place where you feel good about working out? Was the park near your house the first place you went out with your child as a newborn? Take your time to make this list and acknowledge the places that have meaning to you. Thank them for being part of your life.
It’s important to acknowledge that these places are part of our life and say your goodbyes. Before moving, if you can, go to these places one last time and savor the place, take it in and say goodbye. You can also take pictures to remember the good things that happened there.
Choose your closest friends & family and say a proper goodbye.
This one is important. Really. Important. Whether you decide to have a goodbye party or not (even if on zoom), it’s important to say heartfelt goodbyes to close friends and family. They are part of your life and will likely be a source of comfort when the challenges of culture adjustment kick in. It’s important not to underestimate the importance of the people who know you and how instrumental they can be in your culture transition.
If you have children, create the opportunity for your kids to say goodbyes to their friends and family. It can be a good idea to start a scrapbook with pictures and ask friends to write some messages in the book; it can be a great symbol of the transition and represent these friendships.
Make sure to think of ways to stay connected, either through online chats or video conferences. It is common to feel quite lonely during the phase when you don’t feel like a tourist, but you’re still not fully adjusted in your new culture. Set up times to chat online and make sure to write down birthdays and important milestones like graduations so you can still be present, even if virtually.
Social support is crucial and keeping in touch with your closest friends and family can be the make-or-break factor in being successfully able to overcome the challenges of culture shock.
Write a list of everything you are leaving behind.
This one is hard. It’s not easy to internally say goodbye. But as with the other tips, it’s important to be conscious of the process of change so you can come out the other end fully embracing the new culture. It’s not to say you’ll forget about your past and relationships. Not at all. This exercise aims to bring to consciousness what you are leaving behind so your life in the past is not idealized. The list can be as long as you like and should include all aspects of life.
The only thing that matters is that you are conscious of what you will not take with you. For some people, it can be physical objects, for other people it’s all about relationships, and for some, it’s about places like the gym, a hair salon, or even a favourite bookstore.
Now is better than later.
It might seem gruesome to make these lists and go through these negative emotions. However, denying them will eventually catch up with you when the novelty of the new culture wears off.
Neglecting this closure might keep you with this nagging feeling that you can’t move on and make it very difficult to create new bonds and relationships with places and people in your new environment.
Facing these emotions ultimately will make you more aware of your strengths and the better you prepare and deal with these issues, the more equipped you’ll be to navigate through some high tides of culture shock.
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Deborah Dahab – www.deborahdahab.com